Team founder, survivor, and serial killer Pegleg will be playing his 900th game this Monday.
What a tremendous achievement for a man who only got into cricket as an alibi for his other Monday night hobby - murdering folks.
We caught up with the old boy before the big game.
"It's just a number, isnt it." said the modest Pegleg, "Although, I am running out of places to hide the bodies."
Initially confused this interview was about his collective number of murder victims, Pegleg soon figured it out.
"Oh, 900 games! Yeah, it's a pretty good effort, I'm really stoked" Pegleg explains.
"To think I played my first game way back when, and I'm still here today running around without a care in the world.
It says alot about my fitness, oh, and the ineptitude of the WA Police Force."
Pegleg founded the team back in 1993. A lot of players have come and gone, but Pegleg has stood the test of time.
"I remember the original team, me, Dale, Dean, Ross, Shane, Joe, Nigel and Nick." Pegleg recollects.
"Dale, well he 'fell down some stairs'. Dean, yeah he 'fell off a bridge'. Ross, I lost track of but I think he's living somewhere in the
Gnangara Pines. Shane, someone mentioned he was now in the compost business. Joe and Nigel, they ran off together last I heard, and were living
in the back of an ice truck or something. And Nick, he's still kicking around."
When asked about the current crop of players, Pegleg was less nostalgic.
"Wow, what can I say about this lot..." says an agitated Pegleg.
"If anyone rips my new pair on jeans on the next piss-up, let's just say we'll be on the look out for a lot more fillins on Monday night."
All jokes aside, it's a big effort from Pegleg, who has fought through 2 knee reco's, numerous police royal commissions, and lock jaw most Monday nights.
Let's hope everyone can fire up and give him the victory on Monday night he deserves.
DDs dumped from lineup
May 16 2016
After just one week filling in for captain Choppa, DDs has been unceremoniously dumped from the Wasties lineup for tonights game against Woof.
"Look" explains Choppa, "sometimes you have to make hard decisions for the benefit of the team. Luckily, this time it was a very easy decision."
Whilst Choppa is tight-lipped on the official reason for the dumping, others Wasties have their theories.
"Personally, I think it's because he bowls too many wides" one team-mate was quoted whilst using a meat cleaver to remove a limb from a recent conquest.
"I think it's because he's not fast enough between the wickets" said another team-mate in the middle of water-proofing a shower floor.
"I heard it's because he drops too many catches" was the view from another team-mate who was busy re-arranging his mantle-piece to fit all 7 Brett Cummings medals.
"I think it's because he drives a ladies car" quoted another while buffing his "Ducati" scooter for his weekly cafe strip run.
"The latest rumour is that's its payback for only being a part-time player" said one player, busy watching replays of Buckley's recent press conference in only his socks.
Whatever the reason for the dumping, another annonymous team-mate had this advice to DDs...
"I think DDs needs to get around with all his team-mates and smoke the peace-pipe a little. Maybe buy us dinner, or a drink, or something to re-build the trust required to pull on the Wasties Guernsey. In fact, he's already reached out to me with a peace offering. See below..."
"I couldn't stay long though, as I needed to get back to training. I've got a hot-dog eating competition this month, so I'm slowly introducing the insanely hot English Mustard into my diet just so my face doesn't burn off during the event. That shit is hot!!"
Let's hope DDs can get back soon, before summer comes along and he disappears again.
Mayor set to play 250th amidst captaincy controversy
April 28 2016
Former captain and resident dodgeball expert Mayor is set to play his 250th this week. Normally, such an event is a time to celebrate, but the recent spat between former captain Mayor and new captain Choppa has caused some angst amongst the team.
Below is some CCTV footage capturing Mayor and Choppa in their moment of chaos. Notice former teammate Dov looking on in disgust.
Wasties: So Mayor, what happened? Mayor: Look, I don't like to comment out of school, but Choppa and I had some disagreements on his new captaincy style, and it got a little out of hand Wasties: What was the disagreement? Mayor: Get this! When we are in the field, and it's the end of an over, Choppa has already figured out who is going to bowl next over. I know, unbelievable right? Wasties: Ummm, not really.... Mayor: And then, when we are batting, he has already figured out who is going to bat together before they have to go in and bat. Wasties: Ummm, ok.... Mayor: And then, when we have to pick another bowler or batter to go again, he doesn't take 10 years, and he selects them based on how bad they are, and not how hot they look in their tight shorts. Wasties: Wow, talk about a change of styles... Mayor: And finally, he actually has us playing good cricket and winning games. Oh, and he doesn't steal stationary from his workplace for the voting. I nearly forgot that one. Wasties: So this brought you to blows? Mayor: OK, OK...you got me. It's not really about that. What really happened is Choppa made a remark about my Ducati Wasties: Oh, you mean that clapped out lawnmover you bring to cricket on Mondays in your MC hammer pants? That's a Ducati? Mayor: Hey! Take that back. That bike is one piece of precision built machinery. I always get alot of sideways looks when I'm doing my cafe strip run. I've got the proof below. Check it out..
Wasties: OK, yeah, it's awesome.... Good luck this week Mayor: Thanks.
Finally Caught !!
April 21 2016
After years of close calls, and a literal trail of destruction, the world's most gruesome serial ejaculator has finally been caught.
Local man chowder expert and current "Manager of Collections" at Pivet, DDs, has been heralded as providing the breakthrough police required to catch the perpetrator red-handed.
My first contact with the accused was many years ago recalled DDs. I was taking a shower in a reputable hotel in Melbourne, when I noticed my toes were beginning to stick together without explanation. Upon further inspection, I spotted something resembling tattie water on the floor of the shower and between my toes.
Most normal people at this point would reach for the soap, but not the intrepid DDs.
I thought I'd confirm my suspicion by collecting some of the trouser gravy to taste, and sure enough it was the two-ball throat cream I had tried numerous times before at Pivet.
Years, later, a similar incident occurred at the local Macdonalds, which sent off alarm bells.
So, here I am years later, minding my own business, ordering a few Big Mac's at my local Macca's. It was late and KFC was shut. But after taking my first bite, it was like deja vu. It was almost as though the same nut butter from between my toes was now in the Big Mac special sauce
Not wanting to jump to immediate conclusions, DDs continued with his investigation.
It was only after I'd finished my 8th Big Mac, that yes I was certain, this was the same string of pearls I'd tasted years before.
DDs then proceeded to call the police, who quickly responded and apprehended the suspect, seen below.
Superintendant Karl Jones praised DD's vigilance.
Normally with these sorts of random crimes, it's hard to get a breakthrough. We were just lucky that DDs was able to recognise the schlong juice and notify us. After years of having to clean up this guys pole milk, we've finally got our man. Thanks DDs.
For the humble DDs, it was just like another day at the office.
Sure, we all love our jobs like I do, but sometimes you find Cupid's Toothpaste in the weirdest places. Although, I'm a little disappointed. I mean, where am I going to get my Big Mac's from now on?
Blast from the past
There has been a few huge sevens hit of recent times, which brings back memories of a funny exchange from
yesteryear, which is from the old Wasties website, copied below for old times sake.
NASA has released a Photo of the first
indoor cricket ball launched into space.
Who launched the ball is unknown, but it is
thought to have come from one of 2 places.
In our last game against Two Dogs,
both Barney and Pella were hit for huge sixes. Below is an email argument
between the two:
Email 1: From Barney:
I have an exclusive satellite image from
NASA of the ball that left the Bruce Reid Centre last night off Pella's bowling.
Congratulations Pella you are the first person ever to have a delivery lauched
into space !!!
Email 2: Pella's reply:
I can remember your ball being launched
for a huge six. At least my ball didnt get any runs scored. Maybe thats your
ball in space because my ball is still sitting on top of the nets!!! So fuck
Email 2: Barney's reply (with photo):
Pella, I have some good news for you -
someone has managed to track down the ball that left the Bruce Reid Centre on
Monday night !!!
You be the judge!
Ben named captain
Young punk and Captaincy virgin Ben (a.k.a Maxy) was officially voted in as captain for
the Summer 2011/2012 season in a prestigious ceremony on Monday night.
Outgoing captain Marshy was given the customary no-confidence vote.
Marshy named captain
After fluking the premiership, Mayor was duly thrown out of the
captaincy position to be replaced by Marshy.
In true captaincy form, Marshy then immediately pulled out of the next weeks
game leaving it to Vice Captain Hoff to organise the chaos.
Mayor named captain
Lord Mayor becomes the latest victim of the Wasties captaincy curse.
In a one sided count, Mayor was streets ahead of vice-captain Hoff.
Outgoing captain Choppa was given the expected no confidence vote.
Choppa named captain after recount
Congratulations/Commiserations go to Choppa who was voted in as captain for the Winter 2010 competition.
In a scandalous count, Tinman was originally named captain, but an audit of Ish's accounting proved Choppa
was indeed the man for the job.
With a premiership last season, Uncle Chop Chop has some big shoes to fill!
Wasties Finally Win
Years of division 1 heartache have been extinguished with a well overdue premiership
in the division 2 Monday night competition.
Captain Tinman lead the Wasties to an easy victory over Slappers.
Uncle Choppa has graciously volunteered to host post grand final celebrations/commiserations
at his place after this week's Grand final.
Choppa has the beers and will provide the sausages etc.
Wasties get ready for finals
We've already seen DDs and Mayor preparing for the finals, but what about the rest of the Wasties?
Choppa at the gym:
Tinman pulling up stiff from Monday's game and getting remedial massage here
Marshy going for a brisk walk:
Pegleg practising for the post match celebrations:
Barney watched this video over and over again:
Hoff loading up on carbs:
DDs get's ready for finals
Mayor practising his straight drive
An out of form Mayor was spotted recently practising his straight-drive after
a few weeks of poor batting form.
Our camera's were down there to check on progress.
BBQ at Marshy's
In order to celebrate the final game of 2009, the Wasties will congregate
for beers and sausages at Marshy's from 7.30pm this coming Monday.
Game will follow against top division XXXX at 9.30pm.
Pegleg to supply the sausages, rolls, etc. Marshy to confirm the location.
Choppa wins BC
Congratulations to Choppa who managed to win his first Brett Cummings Medallion in his
first season for Winter 09.
He finished miles ahead of Hoff in 2nd place. He became the 3rd consecutive first year
player to win the award, following previous victories to Crossy and Barney in their first
Commiserations also go to Barney, who picked up his 2nd consecutive Bruce Goose award. The minus ones
were back in force and in general very funny!
Tinman named captain
After a disappointing end to the Winter 09 season, captain Pegleg has been ousted and replaced with last years captain Tinman.
Obviously everyone has short memories! Tinman snuck past Hoff and Chop for the poisoned chalice.
BBQ at Tinmans
In order to celebrate our early season exit, we are having a BBQ at Tinman's
on Monday 14th Sep 2009. Festivities start at 7pm.
Pegleg to supply the sausages, rolls, etc.
Wasties hit the big time
For the first time in a few seasons, the Wasties have finished the regular season
high enough to make the finals.
Some would say it's because of Pegleg's inspirational captaincy. Others might say it's because we have
dropped down a division.
Whatever the reason, this Monday's game is a possible double header. If we win the first game
at 7.10pm vs Rollie Pollies, we will play another game immediately after at 8.20pm against
the loser of Has Beens vs Muddafarkers.
Please bring the A game! Pegleg, please bring the B- game.
BBQ at Chop Chops
In order to break the current cycle of bad losses, the Wasties are going to have a beer and a
sausage sizzle prior to Monday nights game, this coming MOnday 27th July 2009.
Team newbie but Earth oldie Choppa has graciously volunteered to host the gathering, at 159 Benara Road Noranda. Festivities
start at 8pm.
Pegleg to supply the sausages, rolls, etc.
DDs makes it to 200
Team renderer DDs brings up 200 games this week. We had a chat with him before
the big game...
Wasties: Well done DDs, 200 games, a fantastic effort.
DDs: Thanks, I'm stoked. Although, I always get a bit nervous before
big games. Symptoms of my anxiety include projectile vomitting in fashionable inner city pubs, puking into pot plants,
and driving home smashed. Oh hang on, that was the last pissup.
Wasties: How has the game changed since your debut?
DDs: Well back when I first started a Whopper Double Beef with Double Cheese and Double Bacon Value Meal
was a general no-go because of it's excessive fat content. But these days the Value Meal can be ordered with a Diet Coke so it's a much healthier option.
Wasties: Um, OK. But what about cricket, how has that changed?
DDs: Fundamentally it's the same game, but interpretations have changed slightly.
For example, if you bowl a ball that starts on a leg-side and swings further away, you get called for a wide.
In the old days maybe the umpire would give you some grace on the first, second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth ball of the over, but not anymore. They
are so ruthless these days.
Wasties: Rumour has it your pre-game warmup batting has really improved. What's been the difference?
DDs: Yeah, I've worked hard on my pre-game warmup batting. Sure, I haven't had time to improve my batting during the actual game,
but that's lower priority at the moment.
Wasties: What about your pre-game warmup bowling and fielding.
DDs: Yeah, I'm working on that as well. So far I have learnt how to bowl straight during the warmup, and stop a ball when it comes by, but
only during the warmup. I'm really working hard to be the complete all-round pre-game warmup player.
Wasties: Terrific. Best of luck with the training and I'll look forward to seeing the new and improved player over the coming weeks.
DDs: Thanks, but make sure you get there early.
BBQ at Peglegs
To celebrate the completion of Tony's snuff room in his backyard, the Wasties will
gather for drinks and a BBQ after the game on this Monday, June 1.
Thanks Pegleg for the hospitality.
What are the chances whipped boy Barney will come along?
Crossy wins BC
Congratulations to Crossy who managed to win his 2nd Brett Cummings medallion for
He finished on 129, 4 points ahead of Hoff. DDs was again right up there, in 3rd on 116.
Commiserations also go to Barney, who picked up the Bruce Goose award. I guess when you take off
6 months for a broken nail things like that will happen.
Next pissup confirmed
OK. Next pissup will be on the 23rd May 2009. We'll all be going to the footy to see the mighty
Eagles destroy the cold Pies, then we'll be off somewhere to continue writing ourselves off.
Hoff, Pella, Pegleg, DDs and Choppa all have Eagles memberships. No-Show, Tinman and Barney need
to organise tickets. Looks like Barney will be wedged in amongst the black and white bogans.
Maybe we'll have some beers before the game as well. Tinman to confirm!
Hopefully there will be good cheer all round so come prepared to have a good time.
After another unsuccessful year in the big league, Chris "Fumbles" Fillipos was given the heave-ho as captain, failing to secure a single vote.
In an attempt to recapture past glories, Pegleg was voted in as captain, holding off DDs by a single vote. Unable to use a computer, it
will be interesting to see how Pegleg organises the troops, especially since we can't seem to get a full team anymore with a bunch a pea-hearts having
infiltrated the starting lineup.
Crossy reflects on 100 games
No-Show brought up his 100th game during the week. Once all the fan-fare settled down,
we caught up with him in an intimate one-on-one moment to reflect on the big game
Wasties: Wow No-Show, 100 games.
Crossy: Yeah, who would have thought. I remember last week after my 99th game thinking
I wouldn't bring up the milestone for a few more months, but I got the leave pass all sorted out a few weeks early
and here we are.
Wasties: How did the game go?
Crossy: Not bad, I batted with Dov so I actually looked pretty good in relative terms.
Wasties: Favourite moment?
Crossy: I would have to say the time I got clean ripped 3 times in on over, chasing a measly 6 runs for victory.
Wasties: Really, why would that be a highlight? Sounds like a lowlight to me.
Crossy: Nah, it depends on how you look at it. Firstly, I enjoy sexual asphyxiation, you know where you
get strangled, so I enjoyed the choking that night. Secondly, after getting my testicles removed, it was nice to have balls flying
between my legs again, even if they were shattering the stumps.
Wasties: I can't believe I didn't look at it from that angle...
Crossy: Yeah, ever since I became a eunuch I've found I no longer focus on the negatives. I mean,
how can I, I've got no balls!
Wasties: No doubt. Thanks for sharing.
Crossy: Ta, now where did I put my rope, and that playboy...
Chewbacca to bring up 50 games
Long serving fill-in and newly promoted full-timer Chewbacca brings up game 50
this week. We caught up with him before the big game. You'll need sound.
Wasties: Wow Chewie, 50 games and a full-time member of the Wasties. How does it feel?
Wasties: That's great. So what will you do different now you are a full-time Wastie?
Wasties: Interesting, Anything else?
Wasties: Whoa, take it easy. I've got a question emailed in from "Barney", asking "Do you like to charge, or do you only do it when you drop your head?"
Wasties: Any advice for those who question your charging ability?
Wasties: That's good advice. Best of luck this week.
Search for the new WasteMaster
With Figs' new job, a spot has opened up for a semi-regular, possibly fulltime
gig in the coveted Wastemasters starting lineup. Below is a shortlist of current candidates.
Dov, aka Wookie, Chewbacca
Self proclaimed best batter
Self proclaimed best bowler
Self proclaimed best fielder
No neck muscles
Karl, aka Figs' mate
Likes to play his shots
Handy in the field
Doesnt hang around for beers
Greg, aka Chopper, Hoff's uncle
Reliable, and adds plenty of maturity to the side
Is related to Hoff, so must have some cricket ability
Is friendly with Bruce
Hasn't turned up to a Wasties pissup
Given his age, may forget to turn up for games
Enjoys long walks.......mainly between the wickets
Nick, aka Wizard
Has been a full time Wastie before
Hates Figs (did I mention that already?)
Has a Harry Potter doonah, so a bit suspicious
Hatred for an absent Figs could be misdirected at other crabs in the team
In today's top news story, a man has been burnt to death in a freakish "Hot English Mustard" accident in suburban Perth.
The man, yet to be identified due to the severity of the burns, made the mistake of mixing the mustard with
a bread roll and sausage at a BBQ sources say. Paramedics on the scene tried to put out the fire
with some "mild" wasabi, but they were too late.
In entertainment news, TV goddess and general babe "Ugly Betty" has been named hottest woman of 2008.
In a close fought competition, Betty scraped home in front of an equally hot Rosanne Barr, with evergreeen hot-stuff
Sussannah Carr a close third.
And in sport, play had to be abandoned in the third test between England and India in Mumbai due to ice forming on the pitch.
The freezing +42 degree temperatures turned the cricketing icon into a ice skating rink.
In weather, tomorrow is going to be a scorching -18 degrees, so remember to slip slop slap.
PS. Barney, please read the dictionary for a definition of hot.
BBQ at Pegleg's
In a moment of madness last Monday, Pegleg invited the Wasties along to a BBQ
at his place after this Monday's game (8 December).
PS. Please don't tell Barney and Figs.
Pegleg finally wins Brett Cummings
In the 11th year of the Brett Cummings medallion, team dinosaur and snuff-expert Pegleg finally broke through
for his maiden victory. In a night of firsts, Pegleg also turned down the urge to have sex with a corpse.
Pegleg fought off a fast finishing Hoff and consistent performer DDs.
Unbelievably, Figs took out another Bruce Goose, scraping home past Barney in a major upset.
Piss Up Confirmed
The piss-up for the Winter 08 season will be held on Saturday 25th October 2008.
We are going to a pub somewhere, yet to be decided.
Barney bring up 150 games
Team cut-shot expert Barney brings up another milestone this week, 150 games.
We had a brief chat to him the morning before the big game.
Wasties: Well done Barney, 150 games.
Barney: Yeah thanks, it's a big number. Pretty soon the number will be bigger than the age of the oldest
woman I've tried to sleep with. I say "tried" because when you get to that age, you normally have to fight with Pegleg for a go.
Wasties: So what are the highlights?
Barney: I can't go past that time I played 12 cut shots in a row, or the time I played the cut shot
for the 1000th time, or the time I played the cut shot to a leg side wide, or maybe it was the time I played the cut shot to a spinner after
charging down the track.
Wasties: There's some great memories. So what's your favourite shot?
Barney: I love the straight drive.
Wasties: Great, I'll make sure to add it to the player profile. Now that you're getting older, how has your game
Barney: Well, I find I need more aerobic conditioning to get through a game. I've turned to shadow boxing.
Wasties: Shadow Boxing??
Barney: Yeah, I wait a few years for the shadow to become my friend, then I wait for the shadow to turn around, and
then I king hit it. Works every time.
Wasties: Wow, sounds like a great training regime. Good luck tonight.
Masterfood's New Warning Labels
After a spate of tears in recent weeks, Masterfoods have announced a new line of warning labels for their
iconic Hot English Mustard spread:
Anti Binge Drinking Campaign
The Federal Government are about to release their new anti binge drinking campaign. WastiesCricket.com has
exclusive rights to one of the new ads showing the terrible side effects of binge drinking, starring our own cut-shot-cheap-shot guru, Adriano Clozza.
BBQ at Peglegs
To celebrate another win (hopefully!) and Figs disappearance, we will have beers at Peglegs after this
weeks flogging against Fighting Mongooses.
Pegleg will organise the lot! Thanks Pops.
Wasties Tail Highlights (and lowlights)
Another pissup, another million stories.
I can't remember them all but here goes:
- Barney rocking up late to the Civic, exposing his chicken-esque foreplay skills to onlooking perverts (ie. the other Wasties)
- Figs rocking up in his sister's top
- Pegleg nearly being run over after being pushed onto Beaufort Street by an unknown teammate. Hoff and Crossy pulling him back to safety
- Pegleg pissing off early due his womans days
- DDs caught red handed drooling over a couple of chicks at the Flying Scotsman. When asked what he was looking at by the repulsed ladies, DDs
quickly responded "Your pizza", and then he grabbed the pizza off their table and scoffed it down in a flash.
- Tinman viciously tapping Barney's glass
- Barney waiting for Tinman to turnaround, before unleashing a fully fledged king hit with all his might.
- Tinman going down quicker than a pizza in DDs hands
- Every other Wastie telling Barney to fuck off for the next 45 minutes.
- The Wasties telling the quickly arriving security guards to also fuck off, to which they did.
- The Wasties stopping in at HJs for DDs version of a quick bite - a double whooper with cheese and bacon combo upgraded.
- DDs returning his Whopper, in the Queens, on the wall and floor, semi-digested
- All other Wasties leaving in disgust
Let me know what I missed!
Marshy wins 2nd Brett Cummings
In a tight contest, Marshy took home his 2nd Brett Cummings Medallion after being voted best player
for the Summer 07/08 season.
He fended off a persistent Tinman, with DDs and Pegleg equal third.
To much surprise, Figs took out his 4th Bruce Goose award, eclipsing the field by some 40 votes. Honourable
mentions to pathetic captain DDs and general recluse NoShow.
Piss Up Confirmed
The piss-up for Summer 07/08 will be held on Sunday June 22nd.
We are bringing the Wasties trail out of retirement. We start at the Civic hotel at 2pm. Beers will be on the Kitty until
it runs out.
For those Wasties Trail virgins, find out more here
Dov hospitalised after self inflicted sex machine injury
A couple of weeks ago, in the Wasties time of need, the call went out to resident charger and wookie Dov to fill in.
But unfortunately, Dov was unable to play. The reason given was "I'm in hospital".
The terseness of his reply sent immediate waves of doubt throughout the Wasties camp. Later that week, internet stories began to appear
about an ex-StarWars star falling on tough times after a mishap with a new brand of self-pleasuring handheld red-sock machine.
When more details came to light, it was obvious the victim was the one and only Dov "Chewbacca" Morris. Below is a picture of Dov in happier times with
his red-sock machine.
Get well soon Chewie.
Crossy caught free-lancing for local woman's team
Recent talks of Crossy's unavailability due to testicle-removal surgery has been thrown into chaos overnight.
After a hot tip, our camera's raced down to Beamers indoor cricket centre to watch the over 35s ladies finals.
Low and behold, batting last for the "Carpet Munchers" was one Adriana Cross-DiMenno. The young "lass" showing a starking resemblance to
to former Wastemaster (and former man) Andrew "No Show" Cross-DiMenno.
At first it looked like a hoax, but when young was Adriana bowled 3 times in the last over chasing a measly 6 runs, we knew the story had some merit. Check out the pictures below and
judge for yourself.
Rainman finally plays 300 games
Sal, Rainman, Purple Haze, Tinman Junior.
The man has many tags, but now he joins the sporting elite by becoming only the 4th player
to achieve life membership of the mighty Wastemasters. A week after the game, we had a chat
with Rainman to see how it was going...
Wasties: Wow Rainman. You had your doubters, but you've finally nailed 300 games. How does it feel?
Rainman: It feels great! Not quite as good as a steaming hot sweaty pair of my sensai's nun-chucks in my poop-shoot but still pretty good all the same.
Wasties: Did you ever doubt yourself?
Rainman: Sure, along the way I questioned my ability. But deep down I always knew the Wasties would get really really really really really
really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really
really desperate again so I know my time would come.
Wasties: Favourite moment?
Rainman: There's so many. Obviously batting with Tinman, and developing that loving relationship with him was a highlight. I can still
remember the first time we choked in a final together. It was so special.
Wasties: How so?
Rainman: Well, we practised all year, choking, making small partnerships, batting like crabs. It was so rewarding for it to
pay off in a big game like that.
Wasties: Great memories. And finally, who would you turn gay for?
Rainman: Well, I've tried twice. Once with Tinman, and once with my sensai. Both never worked out. But I'll keep trying.
Wasties: Thanks Rainman, and congratulations.
After a terrible year, DDs was formally ousted as captain after the Wasties were
destroyed by Cats in the last game of the season.
In a moment of madness, Figs was voted captain. Below is a photo of Figs accepting the mantle.
Fill-in Recruitment Drive
With Figs consistently struggling with the bat, an advert was placed on seek.com searching for a new fill-in.
With many respondants, the decision was tough but we are proud to announce the new fill-in - Birdman.
He comes with an excellent track record, and we'll put him to the test in weeks to come to see if he can
make a difference. Looks very promising.
Dov voted Player of the Year
After a stellar season for Stirling Cricket Club in the PCA second grade, which produced 439 runs at an astonishing average of 23.1
and a blazing strike rate of 10.1 and 15 wickets at the unbelievable average of 27.4, David Hodgson from the Stirling CC decided to
nominate "Dov Boycott" for the prestigious cricketer of the year award as well as the boycott of the year award at the Allan Border Medal function Tomorrow night.
Viewers around the country are praying they won't have to witness this at the Allan Border Medal Function Tomorrow Night !!!
DDs to bring up 150 games
Current captain DDs becomes the 8th Wastie to play 150 games this week.
He was asked a few questions about the big game.
Wasties: Congratulations DDs, 150 games is a big effort.
DDs: Thanks. I put it right up there as one of my great achievements. Not quite as
satisfying as the time I won "Employee of the Month" at Pivet for my now patented "Left-hand, Right-hand, Mouth, Repeat" semen extraction
technique but it still feels great.
Wasties: How have you found the last 50 games, the majority of those as captain?
DDs: Well, I give thanks everyday that I took over from Crossy, because anything from there is up. But in general,
I think I've had a significant impact on the team, by leading by example. Although sometimes the other guys don't quite follow my lead, which is frustrating.
Wasties: How so?
DDs: Well I'm yet to see anyone else bowl legside wides on the first ball of every over they ball, nor has anyone joined in getting
out to gay, limp-wristed late-cuts every week like I do. I guess that will come with time.
Wasties: I hear you have an interesting technique organising fill-ins? Can you tell us about it?
DDs: Sure. Basically I tell everyone that I have it covered, and then I sit around all day at work organising
orders for the canteen and completely forget. It seems to be working well.
Wasties: Do you think you'll make the finals this year?
DDs: Yeah, I think we're a big chance, Pegleg has a long term injury.
Wasties: Well good luck, and have a great 150th.
DDs: Thanks, now where was I? Ahh, that's right, Left-hand, Right-hand, Mouth, Left-hand, Right-hand, Mouth.....
Tinman was spotted at the recent Iron Maiden Concert. Can you spot him?.
Wastemasters welcome their first ever corporate sponsor.
Hoff walks away with 3rd BC medal
Team looker and general nice guy Hoff walked away with his 3rd Brett Cummings Medal at a
distinguished ceremony at the Wembley Tavern on Saturday night.
Hoff picked up 17 consecutive 3 votes to romp away with the win, 60 points clear of Pegleg, with DDs
a close third.
No-Show became the first captain to take out the Bruce Goose award in a tightly fought contest. With Figs polling
worse than John Howard, No-Show, Pegleg, Tinman and Barney took the count resu;t down to the wire.
But No-Show's experience in not turning up made the difference. He also left early after the Wasties were bundled out of the
finals, which secured the win.
In other news, the minus one votes were a hoot. Barney took up the role of angry man from Marshy, unhappy with his
treatment from an undisclosed Wastemaster who challenged his handsomeness (OK, it was Figs).
Marshy to bring up 600 games
Team Brontosaurus Marshy becomes only the 2nd player in Wastemasters
history to play 600 games this week. Although a reclusive type, Marshy
agreed to an interview about the big game.
Wasties: Thanks for taking the time out to talk to us Marshy.
Marshy: No worries. I got permission from the missus, but I've only got 10 minutes, I need to go and do the washing.
Wasties: Sure. Well straight to the point then, How does it feel to play 600 games?
Marshy: Man it feels great. As you get older you really start to appreciate the finer things in life.
Given my age, I've got an absolute shit-load of appreciation.
Wasties: So how do you get motivated, week in week out?
Marshy: I concentrate on the simple things. Say for example when I bat, I just imagine the ball is Figs' head, and then
I imagine I'm at the Brisbane having a beer. Then I imagine Figs, with a suitably whorish putana on his lap, grabs my mates beer. Man I want to smash
Wasties: That's good advice. What about your long batting partnership with Pegleg. How do you keep that fresh?
Marshy: Well it's been made even easier lately seeing Pegleg never shows up, but it's just like anything, you need variety to
spice things up. Sometimes it's Pegleg who bats up to shit, other times it's me. OK, it's mostly Pegleg but you get the idea.
Wasties: Sure do. Well best of luck for next week.
Marshy: Thanks. Now when mixing polyester with cottons, do you use a warm-hot cycle or just a warm cycle. Fuck I can never remember this shit.
My memory hasn't been so good the last 50 years....
Saturday the 24th November!!
We will meet at the park across the road from Tony's house around 7:00pm - 7:30pm and wait for everyone to arive.
Once we are all there (probably around 8:30pm) we can head to the Left Bank in the bus, do the votes there and move on.......pub layout below.
Left Bank - Votes, bar snacks.
Cottesloe Hotel - consume what is left of the kitty.
I have $380 (I think - close enough) so any ring-ins will have to pay $45 to join in, this gets them everything that a Wastie gets on the night, bus, beer, Food etc...
Toby is still organising the bus, I will pick it up on Saturday....he is to let me know the costs.
Zac, you were V.C so I will give you some cash to buy the beers for Tony's house. You will no doubt be the first one there anyhow. Organise an esky and I will organise another esky for the bus.
There will be lots of chips to eat on the bus as well. Anyone spewing on the bus will be fined $50.....no joke, I will have to be the one cleaning it so you deserve to pay.
Everyone is to confirm numbers. including guests, by this Monday's game.
DDs Voted Captain
After falling out of the finals race with a loss in the prelim, the Wasties
wasted no time ousting captain No-Show, bringing in DDs for his first run
DDs easily won the vote with 3's from everyone (including himself). Pegleg was elected vice-captain.
No-Show to bring up 50 games
Team captain No-Show brings up 50 games this week.
He was asked a few questions about the big game.
Wasties: So No-Show, 50 games.
No-Show: Yeah, I'm surprised I've been around long enough to play 50 games.
Wasties: Why's that?
No-Show: Well, most other people take 2 seasons to play 50 games, but being a part-timer it's taken me a bit longer.
I've worked it out though, the next milestone game for my 100th will be in 2070. Pegleg with be turning 300 in the same year so it'll be a big celebration.
Wasties: What's your favourite moment?
No-Show: I'd say playing with Hoff. That guy is the best player I've ever seen. And to top it off he's a really top bloke as well, so modest.
Wasties: Yeah, he's a bit of a comedian as well...
No-Show: Fuck yeah, hilarious. Take this interview for example.
Wasties: Anyway, enough about him. Let's talk about your big game this week....
No-Show: Sorry, I need to interrupt. I can't make this week, but I reckon the 50th will definitely be before Christmas.
Wasties: Ah, OK. Well best of luck for you 50th sometime in the next 5 months.
No-Show: Ta. Now fuck off before I stick a rope in your mouth.
Pegleg to bring up 600 games
Team dinosaur and all-round nice guy Pegleg will be bringing up his 600th game this
week against R.A.W. Unlike his 550th where we had a forfeit and no-one told him, this week
we should celebrate with a big win.
Pegleg was asked a few questions about the big game.
Wasties: Congratulations Pegleg, 600 games.
Pegleg: Thanks. I'm pretty stoked. I really enjoy playing with the guys from the Wasties. They are
all top blokes. That's what motivates me. Oh, and snuff porn.
Wasties: Are you finding you're like a bottle of red, getting better with age?
Pegleg: I'm definitely like a bottle of red, only a bottle that's been opened and left out in the sun
on a 40 degree day. Vinegar!
Wasties: What's your favourite moment?
Pegleg: Well once I got this email entitled twin towers, where the guy had two cocks...
Wasties: Umm, I was talking about at the cricket center?
Pegleg: Oh, well once the tall lanky one called me into his office, dropped his pants and he had two cocks....
Wasties: I see a pattern forming. Changing subject, well done on the 600 games. It's a real testament to
your committment to the Wasties.
Pegleg: Thanks. Let's just hope someone turns up this week!
End Of Season Piss-up
The end of season pissup for the Summer 06/07 season will be held this Saturday 30th June, where we
crown a new Brett CUmmings Medalist, and of course get pissed.
Where: Alderney on Hay Hotel - 193 Hay Street, East Perth
Time: 7pm till late
Cost: $50 for non-Wasties
After Chewbacca's recent performance made news at Cricket Australia, Australian Captain Ricky Ponting has offered some words of advice
for the mighty Wastemasters:
Barbeque at Tinman's
This week we have an early game against Stingers (4.50pm).
To celebrate another win, or at least some argy-bargy we will be gathering at Tinman's house
after the game for a sausage sizzle and beers.
Marshy will organise the sausages/buns/sauces/onions. Tinman and Figs have the beers.
PS. Could someone let Tinman know?
Battle of the Titans
International boxing promoter Don King has arranged a clash between the two
best heavyweight boxers in the world at the Bruce Reid Centre.
Entry is free but before you can enter the centre it is essential that you:
- drink no less than 3 TEDS at the RAC and be deemed "half cut" by Bruce upon entry
- continue to drink more TEDS at the centre
- be extremely loud and abuse all the referees, opposition players and of course Bruce
So you can witness this infamous clash between the two best heavyweights in the world !!!